i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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