She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
