At least make sure they are 18
Why
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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