You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
