I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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