He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
