I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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