I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
