Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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