my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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