Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
