"it" just moved
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
