david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
