giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
