i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
