The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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