Kiss
Puke
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
