She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
