You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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