we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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