I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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