I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
