did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize