i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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