Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
