On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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