I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize