He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize