you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
