You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
