You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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