I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize