he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
