Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
