I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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