Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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