they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize