Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
