can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
