we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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