Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
