you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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