i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize