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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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