**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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