Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
