I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
