I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In America we eat man semen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
