Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
