just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
