well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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