i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize