We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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