shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
