At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
