I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize