i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize