So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
