You can't special order awesome
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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