I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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