his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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