peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
