You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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