yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
