I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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