so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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