Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
