Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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