i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
