you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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