i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
