'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
