he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
